Whenever I read a tweet that makes me laugh out loud, I favorite it immediately. Then, whenever I am feeling a bit flat, or sense a bad mood coming on, I turn to my favorites list knowing I will be giggling in no time.
Here are some of my favorite Tweets from 2008 (oh and may I add a *Mature Adults Only* rating for some of the following):
1) @pagecrusher When you check in at a Motel 6, refer to it as a “Motel Sex” and add a theatrical wink. The desk clerks LOVE that.
2) @fireland Turns out a two-week vacation to the Ronald McDonald House is not as fun as it sounds. And those kids are TERRIBLE at Jenga.
3) @coplandmj 10p coin exactly the same size as a US quarter. Coffee girl not too smart. Second cup on her majesty.
4) @hotdogsladies Sometimes I won’t follow someone who isn’t following me. Then Karl Lagerfeld and I make fun of poor people and hit each other with our fans.
5) @fireland It’s great that my superpower is the ability to make women sigh with disappointment, but sometimes I wish I could fucking fly instead.
6) @Moltz It’s great to sit back at the end of a long day and relax with a beer and catch up on OH, MY GOD, WE LEFT HANK IN THE IKEA BALL PIT
7) @fireland How much do you have to pay a cop to forget he saw a bloodstained Tickle Me Elmo stuffed with opium? Wikipedia is like zero help over here.
8 ) @ikostar Catsby’s just lost his lunch under the table. He’s blown chunks. Parked a tiger. Ralfed etc. Chundered.
9) @motherwell @bonytoad my ebook was huge in Thailand, especially the golden triangle.
10) @fireland This macaroni necklace my daughter made me tastes like garbage. Fuck this Montessori bullshit.
11) @lonelysandwich Remember the rash of creature horror-comedies that came out in the 80s (Gremlins, Ghoulies, Critters)? That just came out of my dog.
12) @hotdogsladies When the Dr. asks why I think I have undiagnosed ADD, I’ll turn and point toward the internet. And then you guys can all laugh and wave.
13) @sugarrae @streko I’m NOT fucking drinking – are you nuts?
14) @patrickaltoft Using xoom.com for the first time. It’s crap.
15) @MarkDykeman I’m watching CSI. Somebody died. Yawn.
16) @AinsleyofAttack I want a bunch of forensic investigators to use luminol in my bedroom. I’d be like, “Yeah, bitches. That’s right.”
17) @fireland Played golf with my old man this morning and on the fourth tee I accidentally hated his guts since the day I was born.
18) @smartasshat People are insane.
19) @johnweb I always get the hot and the mild sauce at the drive in. They give me 10 packs. Then I don’t use either. I am why people hate Americans.
20) @coplandmj All I want for Christmas is for someone to turn the fuck up and do their job.
21) @cleversimon Kissing her neck, I made her drop a stitch. That’s not a euphemism.
22) @AinsleyofAttack Most likely due to the way we looked after 22 hours on the road, the front desk clerk gave us a room with a handicap shower. We disabled it.
23) @nick Going crazy over this band “TBA.” Every time I think I’m gonna see them perform, they get replaced at the last minute.
24) @fireland Well actually the difference between Helvetica and Arial is pretty glaring if you oh my god this is why I haven’t had sex in twenty months.
25) @nonlinearmind You know what I love about pie? As you eat it, it creates a graph of how much is left.
26) @AmyJane New idea: We skip the private school and use that money to fly in a guest Twitterer each week to homeschool the kid.
27) @Remiel A misguided prankster laced the office water cooler with a small amount of LSD. Trying to get to HR to complain, but being thwarted by bats.
28) @HalfPintIngalls Today was a pretty good day until we got diptheria.
29) @AinsleyofAttack I really just want a women’s magazine to have the headline “Hot Summer Tip: Men Are Assholes.”
30) @meowrey Oh man, I’m sorry I freaked out like that. This coffee is making me super agitated. I asked for a cappuccino, but I think I got an alpacino.
31) @cleversimon Jesus Christ, I drank enough last night to kill Paul Newman. What? Why is everybody looking at me like that?
32) @confession I made it all up. – God
33) @bitchoftheday OH: “Are you eavesdropping bitch?”
34) @DieLaughing I can only remember my sponsors phone number when I’m totally wasted. Let me borrow your cellphone and $100 bucks. Wait right here.
35) @pagecrusher There’s a school bus parked in front of Sassy’s, the strip club. I want to see the permission form for that field trip.
Thanks for the giggles tweeps. Happy tweeting in 2009!