Jan 02
Dumbass of the Week: The Call Center Cow
Oooh you're back! Lookin good. Have you lost weight? Yes, that was a compliment designed to butter you up for my next question. Subscribed to my feed yet? :-)
So it’s 10am at work and I am trying to wade through my mountain of tasks in the few hours I’ve got before I need to pick up my son from daycare. The phone rings. The conversation goes like this:
Me: “Hello, Kalena speaking”
Call Center Cow: “Is this Kalena?“
Me: “Yes, who is this?”
Call Center Cow: “Hi Kalena, how ARE you?”
Me: “Fine thanks, who is this?”
Call Center Cow: “Do you have a few minutes?”
Me: “Who IS this?”
Call Center Cow: “My name is [whatever - didn't catch it and it was probably made up anyway]. I’m calling from New York Commodities”
Me: [I hang up the phone]
30 second pause and then the phone rings again
Me: “Hello, Kalena speaking”
Call Center Cow: “Kalena, why did you just hang up on me?”
Me: “Didn’t you say you were calling from New York Commodities?”
Call Center Cow: “Yes, but I just wanted…”
Me: “Are you trying to sell me stocks?”
Call Center Cow: “No, actually options are different to stocks”
By now, I’ve got a serious case of phone rage.
Me: “Just a minute…”
At this point, I place the receiver on top of my PC speaker and turn the volume waaay up. It happens to be playing the world’s most annoying song, The Reflex by Duran Duran. (I knew those 80’s CDs would come in handy some day).
When I checked 5 minutes later, Call Center Cow had hung up. What a shame.
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January 2nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Hah Kalena! These types drive me nuts too. I typically just put the phone down, and walk away, letting them talk to their heart’s content. Sometimes I’ll try a foreign accent with them. Just depends on the time available. Thanks for the laugh!
January 2nd, 2008 at 10:42 pm
You’re welcome Jeff. Thanks for the foreign accent tip! Must try that next time. Vas is Das?
January 2nd, 2008 at 10:55 pm
haha Kalena, this is the second one. I really love you for this. I am taking out my own frustration while reading it.
January 2nd, 2008 at 11:24 pm
I hate that! Sometimes I’ll get a call and the idiots just hang up or have some automated crap that can’t be traced….grrrr
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:21 am
Hi Kalena,
Your this series has made a mark upon me and here you get more link love from me!
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:49 am
[...] continues her bashing or Dumb Asses yet again, this time it’s Dumbass of the Week: The Call Center Cow, who calls and drives her [...]
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:38 am
Why did you hang up on me?
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:27 am
and then what happened?
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:36 am
This is classic. I do the same except no music. I just tell them to not call me again. I have a serious case of “I HATE CUSTOMER SERVICE”.
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:02 am
I hate it as well, I found this blog post which is a similar sort of thing!
http://onlinemoneyadvice.net/blog/2007/10/20/typical-financial-organization/
January 3rd, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Very nice but you must be crazy if you think the reflex is an annoying song!
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:25 pm
My grandma used to have one of those referee whistles next to the phone for types like this. Instant deafness guaranteed!
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:45 pm
My favorite part was that she called you back and said “Kalena, why did you just hang up on me?”
That is like horror movie crap! Hehehe
I think you should have said…. ‘Did I? Whatever for…. please tell me all about whatever crap you want to but know this I will not be listening nor will I be buying.’ Then set the phone down and go about your business. My contention has always been that people put the phone back on the hook. I used to walk away with the phone on the hook.
Another idea I had was using a tape recorder and record a few ‘uh huh’ ‘really?’ ‘yes’ and my favorite “I’m sorry I wasn’t listening could you start over?”
In fact the last statement was what I used to do when people would ask for my credit card. I used to act really excited about what they were talking about so they thought I was into it and then I would ask them to repeat it.
Another good ploy (this one was done on me during my brief stint working for MCI) sound like a little kid but agree that you are who they are asking for then when they think they have you say.. “You better talk to my mommy” I know it was a trick because the mommy was the same person and I just started pitching again and she got mad and yelled “I just heard this most telemarketers just hang up! You f—ing suck! You….z’ The rest is unrepeatable. I made her hang up when I said “That sounds like a yes so lets get started” Yeah I was a wee little evil. Luckily I got a better job offer and gave up the telemarketing.
It’s funny when people hear me talk about what I have done to telemarketers and they say “They are just trying to make a buck give them a break” I always say I used to do that and I still talk about the people that came up with the clever things to get me to hang up. One guy just kept mooing whenever I talked. Only problem was I was stubborn and I just kept talking to him.
Anyway I liked your post
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:01 pm
@ The Affiliate Truth – nice link! thanks
@ Heffo – ok not quite the world’s most annoying song. That title would probably go to achy breaky heart.
@ Manish – thanks for the link love
@ Mike – A guy moo’d at you? ROTFL – that’s priceless and I’m definitely going to use that. Maybe meow and hiss instead as I’m better at that. Thanks for the chuckle.
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Hi Kalena, I feel your pain. As Jeff has suggested try an accent. I use an absurd asian accent and after a few rounds of trying to establish where exactly this “Don Janome” person is, then I turn the tables on them. I (agitated in accent)insist that this fellow owes me money and they had better tell me where I can find him. My family looks at me like I’ve just lost my mind. Calls don’t last long after that. Fresh call incidents dropped away, but did not disappear. In the end it is ultimately unsatisfying so I either screen calls now or hang up immediately when I hear that most distinctive call center ‘buzz of activity’ in the background.
Good Luck.
Don
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Funny…i’ve had the pleasure of doing the same thing to many telemarketers. I just wish I knew how long they stayed on the line.
Fight Spam! Click Here!
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:27 pm
You realize she went home and blogged about how another bitch gave her shit for doing her job?
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:55 pm
OMG that is to funny! I wonder how long he stayed on the phone listening though to the music before finally hanging up. What I hate is when there predictive dialer calls and you have that 5 seconds pause before someone speaks. That is a dead giveaway to hang up the phone.
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:13 pm
is it hard to just say that you are not interested than to be rude at other people who’s just doing their job?
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:39 pm
First, I mention that all my phones are on the Do Not Call list, and this cell phone call is on my dime, costing me money.
If they got me on my landline, to be a Skype VOIP tomorrow, I tell them about the 300 FREE LiveCDroms of Linux at http://livecdlist.com with thousands of games and office suites, and programs, and educational and programming applications on them.
Then, I have probably made a new friend, who just got chewed out by the supervisor for exceeding his 3 minutes without sales. I do get a kick out of the fact that most call centers know the unlisted numbers of politicians, their mistresses, their pimps, and celebrities, and call them all on a regular basis!
Thanks, Heidi Weiss!
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I think we have all had similar situations, albeit with different musical taste :-p
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Very funny. Put a smile on my face
January 3rd, 2008 at 7:32 pm
and so what hapenned?:)
January 3rd, 2008 at 7:41 pm
nice:)
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Hate them too – live in France – same problem here! What works well is to play at being deaf and have them repeat over and over…”sorry, I did not hear you well… can you repeat please?” … then misunderstand some key words … and make them repeat….
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:46 pm
@ you’re a retard – surely it’s not her job to call back someone who is clearly uninterested and has hung up once already. If her job is to waste my time, she can kiss my @ss.
@ Robb – I did that already. It’s called hanging up.
@ Heidi – OMG if they called me on my dime I’d be ruthless. Have to give them the Kenny G treatment instead.
January 4th, 2008 at 1:54 am
Next time, show a little interest, knock knock on the side so they hear, then say “hold on, someone is at the door, I’ll be right back…” then leave them hanging forever more.
January 4th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Seriously, this is pretty boring. You’re very lucky someone StumbledUpon this. Oh wow, you pissed off a telemarketer? GG. (yawn)
January 4th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
@ Ian – love it!
@ Wtf – It couldn’t have been too boring. It got your attention and prompted you to comment didn’t it?
January 4th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Touché.
January 4th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
@ everyone – I can’t seem to find the reference on Stumble Upon. If someone can post the link / stumbler profile here, I’d appreciate it. Thanks to the person that stumbled this, the traffic influx caused my server to fall over, but it’s all good!
January 4th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Damn telemarketers, I hate them. I found this place on StumbleUpon, I gave it a thumbs up.
January 4th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Some of these people are absolute clowns! A few weeks ago we got called and my little brother picked up, they asked for his dad. He sensed they may be telemarketers, so said he would only hand over the phone if they weren’t telemarketers – she said she wasn’t. As soon as my dad takes over the phone she starts yapping on about some product….so my dad hangs up. Do these people honestly believe this works?!
I liked your approach to this plague, but this guy went one step (well, maybe two steps) further
http://www.maniacworld.com/Best-Telemarketer-Prank-Ever.html
January 5th, 2008 at 12:16 am
Hate the calls to, have you signed up for the National do not call list? https://www.donotcall.gov/ It worked for us, no calls for about a year now. Now if I could get the Political and survey calls stopped!!!
January 5th, 2008 at 12:25 am
@ George – thanks for the link. I’m actually in Australia but yes, I’ve registered the number here with the local Do Not Call list but still they call! Although with all these great ideas in the comments here, I’m quite looking forward to tormenting the next call center cow. Mooing seems quite appropriate!
January 5th, 2008 at 3:50 am
You are a dumbass for being so rude to the person calling you. Why do you have to treat them so badly? They have a job just like you. The golden rule: treat others as you want to be treated. Just go on the Do Not Disturb List.
January 5th, 2008 at 5:02 am
Keep in mind the only people that do not have the follow the “do not call” guidelines are that of a non profit organization. They call whoever, whenever then way want to. Which sucks because if I were interested in something I would just contact them instead of them calling me.
January 5th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
@ Justin – As per my comment above, I’m already on the Do Not Disturb list. And she deserved much worse than I gave her. Remember SHE called ME back after I made it clear I wasn’t interested by hanging up in the first place.
@ SEMSpot – Well I doubt that New York Commodities or whoever they were are non-profit! Maybe the same rules don’t apply when calling Australia.
January 5th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Hehe i really hate these phone calls too, but realize this.. The person your talking to is just an employee working a shitty job to get paid. I used to do these kind of things and it sucked but the company’s to blame not the person!
p.s. know why you might still be getting calls even though you have registered your number as not allowed to call?
Because those companies are required to buy a special list, they rarely do and hence the caller might end up calling a person who’s husband died 3 months ago… Happened to me, and it sucked!
Worst job ever!!
January 5th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Really? People care when you post lame crap like this?
January 5th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
What you don’t understand Kalena, is these people are doing their job! Working their butts off for not much more than the minimum wage!
Instead of treating another human being like an animal and ignoring them, I usually say that I’m not interested. Then I add: Thanks. Bye.
January 5th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
@ Third – You obviously cared enough to comment. So I’m betting my lame crap is better than your lame crap
January 5th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
@ em – Been there, tried that, bought the t-shirt. Doesn’t work. I now prefer to ridicule them for my own amusement. Sure makes me feel better!
January 5th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Annoying people like that will backlash at you, I am a Dtv tech support guy (3rd tier I mostly fix stuff that is actually Dtv’s fault and never really speak to customers)
Most of them do not realize the tech available to them however a few do and I hope you get one of them someday and watch them tie up every phone you have via there automated telecommunications hardware for a good 12 hours or more.
I mean its annoying you so its got to be funny.
January 5th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
AS soon as they start talking I interrupt them, say “sorry I’m not interested” and then hang up. Sometimes, while they are still talking but never has one of them had the balls to call back me right after…
January 6th, 2008 at 1:48 am
I’m sorry to say, but I’m with Third on this one. What am I missing? You’ve essentially just described a bowel movement, only to have forty-some odd people respond with great interest. But seriously, i’m going to spend some time considering whether this process (the blog thing) is a positive thing, or whether it is incredibly troubling.
January 6th, 2008 at 9:34 am
a simple “no thanks, please don’t call again” would of done. i used to work in a call centre, its soul destroying work, the only pleasure we got was out of making rude folks life a misery. remember, these people have all your personal information, we could sign you up for many many more companys phone surveys, porn on the net, put you back into the call list to be called every 5 minutes. and because i worked for an outsourced call centre, i didn’t give a damn about keeping customers or the company’s reputation, so threats don’t work.. and no, our supervisor is on his “lunchbreak”
January 6th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
@ Mike – one person’s bowel movement is another person’s chuckle of the day I guess. I’m not trying to be Shakespeare here.
@ Kaiser – where I come from, hanging up on someone is a pretty good indication that you don’t want to talk to them. But as you state so clearly, call center people like making life a misery for others. Thanks for justifying my actions!
January 6th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I Like “The reflex”, I can think of much worse… “I’ve got a Lovely bunch of coconuts”, “I’m henry the 8th I am” [Ghost], “Banana Phone”…
January 6th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
@ Wolfie – you’re probably right. How about “I’m too sexy for my shirt”? Or maybe some Michael Bolton (pre haircut)
January 7th, 2008 at 4:28 am
I was only trying to help you….you should have bought the options.
PS I like Reflex….I wouldn’t have hung up.
January 7th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Or maybe they were making sure that you weren’t disconnected accidentally? Try to think next time, before you contribute to the overwhelming amount of jackassery in this world.
Or you could just continue to be a moron, and brag about it on a blog. Seems to be the popular choice nowadays.
January 7th, 2008 at 11:03 am
@ unassuming – uh hello? She rang me back demanding to know why I hung up on her, remember? And another thing: It’s my blog, I can do what I like. This post alone has given me more traffic and comments than any other in my 6 year blog history so others must like it.
January 7th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
http://www.ask-kalena.com/personal/dumbass-of-the-week-the-call-center-cow/
January 7th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Sorry, I was attempting to give you the Stumble Upon info. Didn’t work. My Bad!
January 7th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Here’s who posted this on SU: http://spostareduro.stumbleupon.com/
Here’s the comment page for your page: http://www.stumbleupon.com/url/www.ask-kalena.com/personal/dumbass-of-the-week-the-call-center-cow
Thanks for the grins!
Steve
January 7th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
You’re the actual cow in this history. That woman was working.
January 7th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
@ NH – So was I. MOOOOOOOOoooooooo!
January 8th, 2008 at 4:10 am
My grandma used to have one of those referee whistles next to the phone for types like this..
January 8th, 2008 at 6:18 am
Am I glad I don’t have a job like this!
January 8th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Nice one Kalena, but here is a link to the ultimate telemarketer revenge.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/audio/play/5848/
January 8th, 2008 at 11:57 am
[...] they have caused me at the same time. Thanks to the power of social media, my most recent Dumbass of the Week post resulted in 25,000 hits to my blog in a single [...]
March 5th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Hahaha! Love it, you’ve inspired me to start a daily cynicism blog, to rant about the day to day frustrations of life, what a way to publicly slate someone that deserves it too…genius!
Keep up the worthy work…D
March 30th, 2008 at 8:59 am
That’s great. I’ve just said “hold on a second” then hung up. Wonder how long it takes for them to figure out I’m gone?
http://www.floors4u.net/
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:08 am
Hahahaha…this is great! Sounds like our phone that rings…I will try the Duran Duran trick for sure
)
August 10th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Its easy if you have one, Just get your 5 year old to answer the phone.!!they normally hang up within 20 seconds.
April 23rd, 2009 at 12:30 am
That’s great. I’ve just said “hold on a second” then hung up. Wonder how long it takes for them to figure out I’m gone?
June 15th, 2009 at 1:04 am
I once did the same, but with a rickroll..
December 23rd, 2009 at 7:19 am
I hope you never find yourself in a situation where you have to work in a call center in between jobs. Do you go up to a janitor and spit on the floor they’re mopping? I bet you’re the type of person that calls police officers “pigs” for doing their jobs. You ma’am are an a**hole.
December 23rd, 2009 at 5:48 pm
@TheTruth – If hanging up on someone for calling ME on my private phone line (that has been registered in the telemarketing Do Not Call list) to sell ME something I don’t want to buy makes me an asshole, then I’m deliriously happy to be one. Have a nice day.